Reality of a Nightmare
by words-are-my-weakness
Summary: When Dave leaves Gill, there is...heartache, pain, lesbian relationships, break-ups, fights and more...Just another day in TV land...Please R&R! X
1. Chapter 1

Monday morning; Gill thought it was going to be another ordinary day, buzzing off somewhere to 'advise' on another murder. Her alarm sounded, and as she opened one eye to see what the time was, it read '5.00 AM'. She hit the snooze button and lay back down groaning. Moments later her husband, Dave, came into the room carrying a tray.

"Gill…Gill…come on darling, I've brought you up some breakfast" Dave said, rubbing her shoulder gently, but firmly enough to get her attention. Gill sat up slowly, rubbing her eyes, smudging the previous day's mascara that she had neglected to remove before going to bed.

"What have you done?" she asked him cautiously, before taking the tray from his hands. It was very out of character for him to do anything romantic, or thoughtful. It was usually because he had done something and was trying to soften her up.

"I haven't done anything my love, I just wanted to treat you; you work so hard, and you deserve it" he replied smiling, and pushing the tray forward. Gill knew better, but took the tray anyway; it was far too early to argue, and she didn't want to wake her son, Sammy.

"Dave" Gill called as he was about to leave the room. He turned and glanced back at her.

"Yeah" he answered, diverting his eyes from her gaze.

"I love you" she told him, smiling warmly at him.

"Come on, eat your breakfast, it'll go cold" Dave answered, ignoring his wife's declaration of love.

Gill had known for nearly ten years that he had been at it with someone else, and she knew things between them were over; but she still loved him. She was in love with the man she married all those years ago, not the man he clearly was; but she was afraid of losing him, so confronting him wasn't an option.

The Detective Chief Inspector slipped her heels on; groaning, as they weren't as comfortable as her slippers, and went over to her son's bedroom. She quietly pushed the door open and peered round at him. Through the darkness, she could see his outline in his bed, and could hear him snoring, blissfully unaware of his father's indiscretions, and his mother's heartache. She stood there a while thoughtfully. Sammy had always been closer to his dad; and she knew full well if she and Dave did ever split up, it would not only be her husband that she lost, it would be her son too. She crept over to him, as not to wake him. She leant forward and gently kissed his forehead. She whispered in his ear,

"I love you, kid". With that she left his room, pulling the door to behind her. She bit back the tears and went downstairs.

"You off then love?" Dave asked, coming into the hallway as Gill came down the stairs.

"Yeah, got to go, already running late" she said, grabbing her coat off of the hook, and closing the door behind her. She wanted to kiss her husband goodbye, she wanted him to hold her and never to let go. But she knew she couldn't let herself touch him, she knew she would break down when he left her; and she knew it wouldn't be long until he did. She couldn't let herself be vulnerable, not in front of him, then he would have won, she couldn't have that. She needed to be strong for Sammy; if he was going to stay with her or not.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been another long day for the DCI; advising on a murder just outside Manchester. She got back in her car and threw her head back, breathing a sigh of relief that the day was over. Pressing the home button on her phone, she realised that it was nearly 11 pm; far too late to ring her best friend for a chat and a drink; so she texted Janet instead. Gill couldn't face going home; she would have had to pretend everything was alright to avoid an argument; she was physically, mentally and emotionally tired, and just needed to unwind peacefully. As she became overwhelmed with thoughts, her phone vibrated in her hand.

The text read_ "There's a big bottle of red in the fridge with your name on it; I've packed the three kids off to bed, and I'll get the glasses out. Janet X"_. Reading it made Gill smile, she knew Janet had included her husband Aide in the 'kids', and she knew her best friend would be there for her. She was also very much looking forward to a very alcoholic beverage.

As Gill pulled up outside Janet's house, she could see her putting the bottle of wine on the table and turning the television off. Gill pulled the car key out of the engine and took her seatbelt off. On approaching the front door, Janet opened it.

"Long day?" Janet asked sarcastically; realising her friend wasn't just tired, but had other things going on. Gill just nodded and half smiled, making her way into the front room.

Hours passed and the two old friends talked, and drank. "Janet" Gill said, looking at the ground. "I think…he's erm…I think…"

"I'm sorry" Janet replied, not able to understand a word of what Gill was trying to say to her.

"I think Dave's going to leave me" she said, her eyes welling up.

"What?" she replied, horrified. "I thought you two were a match made in heaven?"

"I wish. He's seeing someone else, he doesn't love me anymore" Gill sobbed. Janet moved closer to her, putting her arm around her shoulders.

"Sssshhhh, she soothed gently. Come on, come on. How long…How long has he been seeing her? How long have you known?" Janet asked, concerned.

"About 10 years" the broken woman stammered through her tears.

"Oh Gill!" Janet breathed deeply. I won't give you a lecture tonight about why you didn't tell me sooner, or why you didn't kick the bastard out…I'll save that for tomorrow, alright?"

Gill chuckled. Janet smiled and guided her head back towards her chest. "Shall I fetch you a blanket?"

"Yes please. If that's alright?" she asked.

Janet gave Gill a knowing look. "Do you even need to ask that?"

She came back moments later with a Lady Gaga blanket. "Something you want to tell me Jan?" Gill joked.

"Yeah, secret obsession; don't tell Taisie, I steal it when she's asleep!" Janet replied. She covered Gill up and went to get her a glass of water. She knew how bad they were both going to feel in the morning. By the time she got back, Gill was fast asleep, cradling a cushion. Janet pulled the blanket up to keep her warm and turned out the lamp. She had a feeling this was only the start of a long and unpleasant journey for the Murray's.


	3. Chapter 3

It had been a long night for both Gill and Janet. Gill was having nightmares; waking up every hour, and Janet couldn't sleep for worrying about her friend. Gill kept dreaming Dave was with another woman, flaunting it in front of her, and when he finally left her, Gill woke up screaming and crying. Janet had to calm her down and get her back to sleep. An hour later, the same thing happened.

After several times of this being repeated, Janet's alarm sounded. She was unsure of Gill's working hours, so went down stairs to wake her gently.

"Get off of me, go away you fucking…" She then noticed it was not Dave, but Janet. "Janet…I'm sorry, it's just, that's how Dave woke me the other morning…I'm really sorry, I didn't mean…" Janet cut her off.

"Gill, it's ok, really" She smiled at her friend. "It's 6.00, what time are you meant to be in work?"

"Shit…oh shit…half an hour" Gill sat bolt upright, and then held onto her head. "How much did I drink last night?" she asked, already knowing the answer to her question.

"Only a bottle…I'll give you a lift if you want, where are you today?" Janet offered.

"Rochdale… and thanks Jan, you're a true friend" she spoke softly, as she tried to stand up without being sick.

Gill managed to get up and ready for work, and even drank a cup of coffee; but she knew she had to go home, she needed a change of clothes. She didn't want to face Dave, she felt too ill, but even sober, it wasn't an experience she wanted to endure.

Janet went with Gill to her house; she was in no fit state to drive. As Gill opened the front door, she saw Sammy sitting in the kitchen.

"Bloody hell…what got you out of bed so early?" she asked her son astonished he was up before 10.00 during the holidays! As Gill got closer she could see her 14 year old son had been crying.

"I hate him mum…I hate him….he's a fucking bastard and I hate him…and I love you mum, I'm sorry I never told you before, but I love you" he sobbed, burying his head in his mother's chest.

"Oi, language! Who do you hate kid? What's happened?" Gill asked worriedly.

"Dad…He's leaving us mum…he's going off with some tart" He cried harder.

And with that, Dave appeared in the doorway with a suitcase. "I'm sorry Gill, he's right, I've being seeing someone, and she's…she's.."

"Oh spit it out for God's sake" she barked at him angrily, not knowing whether to hit him or cry.

"She's pregnant, and I'm going to live with her" he said eventually.

"And what about your own son? You just going to forget about him now then, 'cause you've got a new one?"

"No, no of course not…I love you son, I'll always be here for you, you know that" Dave said, looking at his son.

"No I don't know that 'dad'" he said sarcastically. "I'm ashamed to call you dad, and you won't be there for me, cause I don't want you to be, you hurt my mum, so I hate you, and I never want to see you again" Sammy snapped at him.

"You don't mean that son" Dave replied surprised at his son's reaction; the pair had always been so close.

"You've got no right to call me son…just go will you, and don't come back" Sammy answered, turning away and cuddling back into his mum.

"Gill, what have you said to him, you know we've always been close, you've always been too busy for him" Dave said, turning vicious.

"Don't you dare, I love my son, I always have, and I haven't let him down. Now get out of my house, before I do something I regret" Gill said, taking a deep breath.

"That must be the quickest I have ever sobered up" Gill said to Janet, who was just standing there, looking a little lost.

"Gill…Please…don't be like this" Dave called as he picked up his bags.

"You heard her…sling your hook" Janet shouted, angry at the man who broke her best friend's heart.

"Don't you get involved, no one asked for your opinion". Dave snapped back.

"OUT NOW!" Gill screamed, turning bright red with anger.

Dave left. Gill cried. Sammy sobbed. Janet looked on. And then silence.


	4. Chapter 4

The next few weeks were hard for Gill; at home and at work. She couldn't go off to advise on a job and leave Sammy; he was only 14 years old, and heartbroken from his dad's betrayal. At home there were too many reminders, when she saw photos of them together, and even lying in bed alone at night.  
Lying awake in the dark room; Gill came to a decision. She was going to have to hand in her resignation. It wasn't a decision she had made lightly. She knew she was born for it, she felt so alive doing it. But she couldn't continue working for the NPIA, especially seeing as Dave worked there. And that wasn't all, she was going to see her solicitor first thing in the morning about getting a divorce.

On her way out of the office after handing in her resignation with immediate effect, Gill bumped into an old colleague, Ian Fielding.  
"Gill, I'm so sorry to hear about you and Dave, must be hard" Ian said, rubbing her arm.  
" You've got no idea. I've just had to resign" she replied.  
"Let me buy you a drink, I may have a proposition for you" he said with a smile.

Sitting in 'The Grapes', the pub opposite Oldham police station, Gill drank her large glass of red wine, contemplating the day's events.  
"Last week I was made head of MIT" Ian said casually.  
"Oh congratulations" Gill replied flatly.  
"I wasn't after your congratulations, I'm actually after a new head of MIT, DCI preferably one with years of experience" he replied, smiling at her knowingly.  
"Are you asking...?" she broke off.  
"Please Gill will you be in charge of the murder investigation team!" he finished on her behalf. "I know it's a comedown from the NPIA, but i need someone I can trust and..."  
"Of course I will, I'd love to. And I know its not quite the NPIA, but I have to think about Sammy now. Thank you"  
The two detectives drank and talked for the rest of the evening, but then Ian took the glass off of Gill.  
"No more for you, you've got work tomorrow!" Ian joked.  
"What?" Gill said in disbelief "You want me to start work tomorrow?" Ian only nodded, and the two of them left together. Gill thought her life was starting to look up, but she knew she had a long way to go still.


	5. Chapter 5

Gill arrived home a little worse for just after midnight. Sammy was sat in the dark in the living room. Gill didn't see him. She walked in and switched on the light.  
"Bloody hell...you trying to give me a heart attack?" she slurred.  
Sammy didn't reply. He looked to the ground and tried to wipe his eyes without his mum seeing. "Sorry mum" he spoke shyly.  
" 'Eh, what's up kid?" Gill asked, sitting down next to her son. She could feel the drink wearing off already.  
"It's nothing mum really, I'm fine" he answered, unsure of how to tell his mother the truth.  
"Well clearly you're not. Come on Sam, is it your dad?" she asked concerned.  
Sammy nodded. "He came round...and was saying..." he broke off.  
"Saying what?" Gill asked, feeling her face getting redder, she knew it wasn't going to be good.  
"That you were a shit parent and that you've always let me down and I'm a failure because of you and I have to go and live with him and he'll sort me out and..." Gill cut him off, unable to understand a word through her son's racing pace.  
"Wow...slow down kid, it's alright. You are not a failure, I am so proud of you, you are a brilliant kid and I love you, alright?" Gill told him re-assuring him.  
Sammy nodded. "Please don't let him take me mum, I don't want to live with him, and the whore"  
"You, are not going anywhere, I promise you, I won't let him, do you hear me, I'm not losing my little boy too" Sammy nestled into Gill's chest, with a fistful of her jumper sleeve, sobbing his heart out. She held him tight, stroking his hair and kissing his forehead. "It will all be alright" Gill repeated soothingly. "Just you and me now kid".


	6. Chapter 6

Waking up on the sofa the next morning, Gill smiled to herself, excited for her first day in charge of her own syndicate. She saw Sammy lying next to her and her smile quickly turned into a scowl as she remembered the previous night. She sat up quickly and her head pounded. Then she remembered the two bottles of wine.  
Gill crept up the stairs as not to wake Sammy. She managed to get washed, dressed and have a glass of water and two paracetemols before Sammy woke up.  
"You're up early aren't you, you going somewhere?" he asked.  
"Oh God, with everything that happened last night, I forgot to tell you, I got a new job, DCI in charge of MIT, I start today" she told him, not sure of whether he would be pleased or not.  
"Well done mum, that's brilliant" he said, quite convincingly pleased for her.  
"I won't have to leave you now, I may finish later and the pay isn't as good, but a few sacrifices here and there and we'll get by" she said.  
"I know. And I know it's your first day, but getting in to work at half 6 is slightly ridiculous mum!" Sammy smerked.  
"I've got a meeting with my solicitor at 7, then I've got to be in work by 8" Gill told him, not divulging anything personal.  
"Solicitor?" Sammy asked confused.  
"I'm applying for a divorce...I do not want to call that man my husband for a second longer than I have to" she said coldly.  
Sammy stood up still half asleep and hugged his mum tight. At heart he was still a little boy. "Good luck mum"  
"Thanks love. You have a good day at school, if you need me, ring, ok? Will you be alright getting to school?" she quizzed, holding him by the shoulders, looking him straight in the eyes.  
"Course, now go!"

Gill sat outside the solicitor's office for what felt like ever. She never thought she would be there for that reason. Being only five to seven, no one else was around. She picked up a magazine and flicked though the pages and then threw it back to the table. She checked her watch and sighed. She paced up and down the waiting room. Only three minutes had passed.  
"Gill" a voice said from behind the doorway. "Sorry to keep you waiting, would you like to come in?" her solicitor asked, holding the door for her. Gill nodded and was polite, but was cursing the slow bitch under her breath.

45 minutes later Gill was starting to think if excuses to leave. "I'm really sorry but I've got to get to work, it's my first day, I can't be late"  
"Oh yes of course, I will draft a letter this morning, you will both have a copy within a couple of days" the solicitor replied, looking over the top of her glasses at Gill.  
Gill left and made her way to Oldham. The nerves were kicking in now, she had no idea who she would be working with.


	7. Chapter 7

Gill walked in with her head held high, this was a fresh start for her, a chance to make something of herself, on her own, without her husband looking down his nose at her. She met Ian Fielding, head of MIT at the front desk, and the pair walked up to her new office together. It was still early so no one was in yet. Gill and Ian made themselves comfortable in her office, drinking coffee until 8am when the team arrived.

"Gill, this is Andy, he's your Sargent, Andy, DCI Gill Murray, head of MIT" Ian introduced as Andy approached the office.

"Ma'am" Andy replied, shaking hands with the DCI.

"And you've got DC Ian Mitchell, DC Lee Broadhurst, DC Pete Readyough and DC Janet Scott" he continued as the troops piled in together.

Gill shook hands with each one in turn. "Why did you have to put her on my team?" Gill joked.

"I can assure you Gill, DC Scott is a fine detective…" Ian answered nervously, unaware of their friendship.

"Alright cock?" Gill smiled, going to kiss Janet on the cheek. "We go way back, trained together….17 years ago?"

Ian breathed a sigh of relief. "I'll leave you to settle in".

Gill addressed the team in the briefing room. "Good morning everyone, I'm DCI Gill Murray, new head of MIT. I've come from the NPIA, so don't think you're going to get anything past me! Shall we get started?" She was blunt but not rude, the team already making judgements about her. Gill possessed the ability to remain strong and in control on the outside, although she was falling apart inside. She had never been the type to let anyone in, or admit her feelings to anyone, it just wasn't in her nature, and she certainly could not let her new team think she was weak, she needed them to trust and respect her; if they knew her flaws, they would prey on it, and she would be a head teacher in charge of a primary school, not a DCI in charge of a Major Incident Team.

The team were made aware of their first job together and were allocated their roles. Gill hadn't seen Janet for a couple of years, so Janet bought Gill in a coffee and the pair caught up in the SIO's office.

"So…what have I missed boss" Janet teased.

"Dave's moved in with a 23 uniform from Pendlebury…and she's pregnant, let me and Sammy…I've applied for a divorce and had to resign…so I'm here" Gill breathed a sigh of relief after getting it off of her chest. Her son was in bits, she couldn't burden him telling him how she really felt, and she had to be strong for him.

"Oh Gill, when did all this happen? Why didn't you tell me?" Janet asked worriedly.

"Few weeks ago. I don't know, didn't know how to. I can't even bare to think about it, let alone talk about it, I feel so stupid!" she exclaimed angrily.

"No, it's not your fault Gill" Janet said.

"It is, I knew he was seeing someone else, I've known for years, but I couldn't admit it to anyone, not even to myself, I didn't want it to be real, I loved him" Gill said, a single tear escaping from the corner of her eye.

"I'm sorry" Janet mouthed, not wanting to make things any more painful for her friend.

"Don't be" Gill replied "I'm not, I'm only sorry I didn't kick him out sooner".

"How's Sammy coping?" Janet asked, knowing how he was feeling already.

Gill shook her head. "He's in bits poor kid. Dave's been round dripping poison in his ear"

"Oh, like…?" Janet questioned.

"I'm a shit parent, I've failed him as a mum, he's a failure. And he wants Sammy to go and live with him, and the whore. I told Sammy he's going nowhere, I'm not letting them take my little boy and turn him against me, I won't have it!" Gill finished almost shouting.

"Why don't you both come round to ours for your tea tonight?" Janet offered.

"Thanks cock, I'd love to" Gill smiled.

Gill was beginning to feel better. She had a new job, a great team to work with, she was a free woman, had her best friend back, someone she could talk to, and she didn't have to cook dinner! But she knew her problems were still going to be there in the morning.


	8. Chapter 8

_**Just a quick note…This chapter is quite dark, so if any readers have suffered from mental illness, this chapter may trigger!**_

It had been a pleasant evening, just Janet, Aide, Sammy, Gill and the girls. Gill had almost forgotten about Dave, and for the first time in a long time, she actually had enjoyed herself. She arrived home just after 11 and switched her mobile on. There were 7 missed calls from Dave and twice as many text messages. After Sammy had gone to bed, Gill poured herself a large glass of red wine and read each one in turn:

You're a shit parent, and a shit wife, it's all your fault.

I'm divorcing you bitch. _(Not if I divorce you first, bastard! Gill thought to herself)_

I'll be round Saturday to pick Sammy up, make sure he is ready.

Your job always came first, not me, not your husband.

You deserve to end up lonely and miserable.

You bought me down, you were depressing and boring.

You're shit in bed.

You only got the job working for the NPIA 'cause of me, you're just as bad a detective as you are a wife.

It'll only be a matter of time before you lose this job.

You're on your own bitch.

Have a nice life!

Gill had to stop reading the texts then. She felt sick to the stomach. She went upstairs to the bathroom so Sammy didn't see the colour draining from her face. She opened the toilet lid and vomited through her tears. Wiping her mouth and turning round to the sink, Gill splashed cold water on her face. She looked up and there it was. A shiny silver blade. She held it in her hands like it was the crown jewels. She pulled back her left sleeve and stroked her bare skin with the blade. After a few strokes, she pressed the blade harder and harder until she drew blood. She watched the thick line of blood run down her arm, over every line in her palm, off of the top of her fingernails and into the sink. Every drop that she washed down the plughole was like a little bit of Dave she was washing away. She felt the tension and the anger and the hurt just drain out of her. After a few moments of being pain free, her arm began to sting and burn and throb. She soon realised what she had done; but those few minutes, the first few minutes in ten years, she felt free.

Gill bathed the cut with cotton wool and warm water, her sobs becoming shallower. She put a plaster over the red line and dried her eyes. She went and crawled into bed and pulled the duvet over her head. It didn't take her long to fall asleep; it had been a long day, starting a new job, seeing her solicitor, dinner and Janet's and crying a week's worth of tears.


	9. Chapter 9

Surprisingly, Gill slept well that night. She was awoken at 6am by the burning sun breaking into her room, bursting through the curtains. She squinted to see what the time was. Pushing herself up with her left hand, the pain of her arm caused her to fall back down. Again she tried to sit up, holding her arm into her, as if it was a new-born baby. For a few moments the chief inspector sat on the edge of her bed, her feet not quite reaching the floor. She slid forward, her toes touching the rough biscuit coloured carpet beneath her feet. As she stood, the realisation of the extent of the wine she drank the night before suddenly hit her. Gill held her arm into her, with the other hand on her head; she made it over to the wardrobe. She clung to the wardrobe door, it holding her up. Gill chose her burgundy jumper and her black skirt to wear that day. She held the jumper to her face, the softness and the smell of her washing powder comforting her. Reaching the bed again, Gill realised she couldn't stand any longer, and fell back onto the bed.

_Why? _She thought to herself. She was unable to lift her arm; she couldn't use it at all.

_Thank God I'm not left handed_ she thought again.

Her head hurt.

_Never drinking again!_

Gill knew that was a very unrealistic statement. It would last until the end of the day, if she was lucky. She took a deep breath and pulled her pyjama top over her head with her good arm, and dragged on the burgundy jumper she had chosen. Gill took a sip of the glass of water she had left on the side, calming the sick feeling that was in the pit of her stomach, rising to the back of her throat. With her one good arm she managed to get her purple silk pyjama bottoms off. Getting her skirt on was the easy part; the tights however, were slightly more difficult when you are using one arm. The right arm then began to ache. Gill sighed and realised the time. She had to rush to get to work on time, but standing up, she knew she wasn't going to make it in to work in one piece, before the others. It was her second day, and she couldn't make mistakes and disappoint now.

The bathroom at the other end of the landing seemed a long way away. The petite lady crept over to the doorway, holding on to the wardrobes and the door frame. She stretched out her right arm, and tightened her grip on the edge of the white shell sink. She ran the tap and splashed a handful of water on her face. The coldness of the water shocked her and took a deep breath in; starting to feel more awake. The battered tooth brush balanced on the edge of the sink; Gill squeezing the toothpaste out by pressing her arm on the tube, directing the paste onto the tube with her fingers. She washed away the taste of stale Merlot and rinsed her mouth out with water. She brushed on an equal amount of mascara onto each set of eye lashes and rubbed a thin layer of pale biscuit foundation into her skin; covering the lines giving away her late night, and the wrinkles that determined her ageing years.

She then made her way down the stairs, still resting the tips of her fingers on the banisters. The same strategy got Gill into the kitchen. She fumbled around in the cupboard that she wasn't quite tall enough to reach. A concoction of boxes fell out, hitting her bad arm. She swore under her breath, but eventually found the paracetemol and swallowed two, washing them down with an old glass of water that was already poured out on the side. She stood holding on to the work surface for a few moments, until the tablets worked, before going to get her coat and shoes on.

Her heels felt more uncomfortable than usual, but couldn't put her soft slippers back on, so she sighed and wrestled with her cream jacket, slowly stretching out her arm. Her arm was hurting less, now able to see straight. She thought she was able to drive; but being a police officer, Gill decided it was wiser to text Janet and ask for a lift.

_Jan, please can you pick me up, car broken down and running late? G x_

It began to rain as Gill stood in the front garden. She was beginning to get wet, and the shit feeling she was trying to mask with tablets and make-up was starting to show. Her phone vibrated.

_Give me2 mins x _Came the reply. She smiled to herself. She knew she could always depend on her friend.

It felt like hours, but then the rust coloured Citroën pulled up outside her driveway.

_About time too _Gill muttered, not wanting to sound ungrateful; she wasn't in the least. She put on a smile and walked up to the car.

"Morning…thanks Jan" Gill said as cheerfully as she could muster.

"Late night?" Janet asked.

"Don't ask" Gill replied. The car pulled away, ready for another day at the office.


	10. Chapter 10

The day passed minute by minute, it was as if the clock had got stuck, like the batteries were wearing out. She was being dramatic and she knew it. She knew she had to keep her head down and keep working, but it was easier said than done. Her mind wandered constantly, she was unable to focus. Physically she felt better, mental however, she felt rubbish.

Julie had phoned earlier in the day to inform Gill she would be popping by later that day to pick up some papers. As Gill checked the clock for the millionth time that day, she realised it wouldn't be long before her friend of old arrived. She thought she could really do without Julie Dodson coming in; she's like a dog with a bone if she realises something isn't right and in this case, her life is far from being anywhere near right. Although she did love Julie, they went way back, before she knew Janet even, today just wasn't the day for having to smile and pretend.

"Hiya Slap" Gill called as Julie walked into the SIO office.

"Alright, ya fat-arsed bitch!" Julie shot back jokingly. "How's tricks?"

"Not so bad, and yourself?" Gill replied with a smile.

"Good, 'til I came in here. You've got a face like a wet weekend. What's up?" Julie asked.

"Dave just being a twat, gone off with that whore from uniform, trying to take Sammy and sending me texts". Gill just couldn't hold it in any longer, she didn't want it all to come out like this; but it was better to say something than nothing. There was a lot she was never going to mention to anyone, like how she was drinking, a lot, not eating and cutting herself.

"When did all this happen, what texts?" Julie asked, concerned for her friend.

"Few weeks ago, the texts were last night" Gill replied. "It's fine, really, I'm fine".

'_Lies, lies, damned lies'_ she thought.

"Night out, you and me?" Julie asked, knowing she would get all the gossip out of Gill then. She had never been quiet and civil-tongued when pissed.

"Night in? Don't really fancy going out" Gill replied, knowing she may not be able to pretend so well if she was out, surrounded by alcohol.

"Ok, text me, got to go, see ya later" Julie called, rushing out of the door after looking at the clock.

"Will do" Gill shouted.

'_You say I'm clever, and I'm good at what I do, but what you don't realise is…I'm a damned good actress too!'_ This summed up the last ten minutes perfectly for Gill.

She could do a night in with an old friend, no problem, just cover up and shut up…no problem…


	11. Chapter 11

_**POSSIBLE TRIGGER ALERT!**_

_**Thanks for reading and reviewing and subscribing; makes it all worthwhile! 3**_

Gill arrived home to an empty house, which wasn't that unusual. It wasn't the lack of another person's presence that got to Gill; it was the hollow feel in the atmosphere. She looked round each room that made up the ground floor of her house, noticing the absence of Dave's paperwork and the remains of Sammy's breakfast, lunch, dinner and in-betweens. She knew immediately something was wrong, and rushed up the stairs to check his bedroom. His wardrobes were empty and there was a note on the bed. It was Dave's handwriting. It read:

'_Now you're on your own; you've got what you deserve'. _

Gill breathed in deeply, trying to bite back the tears. Exhaling heavily, she caved in and sobbed silently. She felt as though her heart had been ripped out, she couldn't breathe, she couldn't even cry properly. She felt completely useless. There was only one thing that was going to numb the pain, just for a while. The broken lady rushed to the bathroom bent over, holding her ribs with one arm. She ripped the plastic top off, letting it fall to the floor. She battled with her navy blazer, unable to remove it quick enough, and pulling up her burgundy jumper sleeve. The blade drew a red line on her thin arm as she watched the pain flow away into the sink within the red puddle she was creating. Her thoughts were interrupted by the doorbell.

'_Julie'_ she whispered, remembering the conversation they had had in her office only a few hours earlier. She wiped the tears and tried to make herself look presentable, hiding her arms with her long sleeves. Julie was incredibly impatient and kept ringing the bell.

"Alright, I'm coming" Gill shouted, running down the stairs.

"What took you so long" Julie joked, her face suddenly looking very serious. "Gill…What's wrong"

"Nothing, come in" Gill gestured with her good arm. Julie wasn't buying Gill's 'brave face', she'd known her too long.

Moments later, Gill joined her friend in the sitting room, carrying a bottle and two glasses. She was determined not to let herself drink too much, but somehow, she knew that wasn't likely, or possible.

After an awkward silence, Julie spoke, "Tell me". Her tone was firm but unthreatening, warm and sincere.

"He's taken Sammy" Gill spoke, handing Julie the note.

"Oh Gill" Julie replied, reading the note, moving one hand closer to rest on Gill's arm. Gill tensed up and tried to pull away, but the pain overrode any attempts to hide what she'd just done.

"I know you too well, now will you please talk to me" Julie said in the voice she uses when interviewing shitbags.

Gill only held her arm out, unable to speak, unable to say what she was doing, what she'd become. Julie slowly rolled up her friend's sleeve, the dried blood stains on her arm becoming more apparent.

"Please tell me you haven't" Julie spoke, already knowing what had happened.

"There's no point denying it I suppose, nothing gets passed you" Gill sobbed, burying her head in her own lap, Julie still holding her arm.

"Come on" Julie said taking charge of the situation, leading Gill by the hand out of the room.

"Where are we going" she asked, like a child being led by their mother.

Julie didn't reply, she just walked her into the kitchen and sat her down at the table. She rustled around in a few cupboards, and eventually pulled out a blue bag. She filled a bowl from the draining board with warm water and carried it over to the table. She laid a green towel on the brown wood and rested Gill's cut arm on the towel. She soaked a ball of cotton wool in the water and pressed it gently against Gill's cuts. Gill flinched and tried to pull away.

"Now now, don't be a baby" Julie said, re-placing her arm on the towel. Gill pulled a face and gritted her teeth through the pain. Julie repeated the process over and over on each cut, until she could see each cut clearly. She took out a box of steri-strips and placed them one at a time on the red lines. She then lifted the dead-weight arm and wrapped a bandage around it, fastening it with a safety pin.

"Don't go there Gill, it's a dark and horrible place, get out before you become addicted" Julie told her wisely.

"Didn't know you were a clinical psychologist" Gill mocked. Julie merely pulled up a sleeve, revealing an armful of scars. "I'm no professional, just an expert, someone whose been there, done that, and most certainly got the scars to prove it".

"I didn't know you…" Gill broke off.

"I didn't tell you" Julie replied, not wanting to go into details. "You are not on your own, and never will be. We'll get that twat back, he's young and impressionable; and that bastard can go rot in hell, alright?" She told her sternly.

Gill let tears escape her eyes and Julie pulled the brunette's head into her chest. She wrapped her arms around her bony, wasting body. "I'm not leaving you, like it or not, do you hear me" Julie whispered in her ear, vowing not to let her lead a life like she had. Julie joined Gill in shedding a tear. She held her breath, trying to stop herself and be strong for Gill. She just held her tighter and rocked her into a calmer state. She wasn't trained to help her friend, but she was still her friend, and she knew better than anyone, counsellors and psychologists couldn't always give the best support possible, only friends and family could do that. Knowing she had a shortage of both, it was time for Julie to step up to the plate!


	12. Chapter 12

After a few too many drinks, Julie took Gill upstairs to bed. She was tired and vulnerable, and very drunk. They both had work in the morning and couldn't afford to not sleep off two bottles of wine. Julie lay Gill down and took each shoe off.

'_Goodnight'_ Julie whispered, leaning forward to kiss Gill's forehead. Gill tilted her head back, meaning that Julie's lips met Gill's lips instead of her head. Gill sucked on Julie's lower lip, never wanting to let go. Julie pulled back and blamed it on the drink. She knew Gill was in a very dark place and was very vulnerable; she didn't want to take advantage of her friend. Julie turned to walk away, but Gill grabbed her hand, pulling her body on top of her own. After a moment of gazing into her friend's eyes she rolled on, ending up on top. Her breasts were squashed against Julie's, her breathing becoming more audible. She lent in and closed her eyes, the warm feel of Julie's mouth hungrily crashing around her lips. Her tongue nervously explored Julie's mouth, retracting every now and again to re-assure herself. Julie rolled Gill back, still holding onto her tightly, not letting their bodies part, even for a second. She had only been so protective of her before, mothering her almost, because she was truly, madly and deeply in love with her, she always had been, but she was never going to admit it. This was like a dream come true for Julie, she would savour every last second with this beautiful woman before her eyes, cherish every touch, and remember this forever.

Julie stroked Gill's hair with one finger, brushing it away from her eyes, then drawing a line with the same finger around the edge of Gill's face, marking the structure of her cheek bones. Her hand moved down Gill's neck, eventually arriving at her chest. She then moved her hands down the sides of her body, pulling her jumper up from the bottom, exposing her, now flat, perfectly formed breasts that were held by a black lace bra. Her held fell forward, leaning on Gill's warm chest, breathing her in, not just the smell of her perfume, but the smell of her, Gill. The jumper was pulled over her head and fell silently to the carpet beneath them. Julie placed her hand just below Gill's neck, slowly stroking down to the edge of her bra. As her hand touched her breast for the first time, Gill shuddered, enjoying the sensation, but nervous at the same time. Julie soothed and re-assured her, and continued to caress her. She moved her black nails inside Gill's bra, exploring the skin that lay beneath. With her free hand, Julie pulled at the black strap around each shoulder. Her hand wound around Gill's back lifting her slightly, both hands unclasping her bra. She removed each strap from her arms, throwing the bra carelessly. Each hand took a breast, holding it, squeezing it, and then kissing it gently.

Gill lay there groaning slightly, nervous in anticipation, but enjoying the sensation she had almost forgotten.

She moved down to her skirt, not caressing her or being gentle; she needed her now. He skirt and tights were ripped from her limp body, Gill lay on her bed with the dominant woman completely naked.

Julie couldn't last any longer, and ripped her clothes off with Gill's help. She pushed herself against her friend, their warm naked bodies entwined. She kissed her and stroked her hair.

The pair fell asleep in each other's arms, their legs still tangled in each other's. Their incapacity led them to their final positions of the evening, by the time the drink had worn off and hangovers had kicked in, it would have been too late. They had already done it. Julie got what she had always dreamt of; Gill got the shag she was desperate for. But was it the biggest mistake of their lives?


	13. Chapter 13

The dark night passed and the morning sun rose. Gill lay peacefully, care-free in Julie Dodson's arms. Julie woke first, looking down at the woman beneath her, smiling contentedly to herself. Gill began to stir, looking up at Julie, closing and opening her eyes again, trying to figure out why there was a woman; her best friend at that, holding her.

"Julie" Gill asked worriedly.

"Sssh…you don't have to be up yet, go back to sleep". Gill lay down for a moment as she was told, but then sat herself up and turned to Julie.

"What have we done?" she asked "Did we?"

"You are a brilliant shag, better than any bloke I've ever had" Julie replied, sounding like she was joking, but being dead serious.

Gill looked puzzled. "I don't remember much"

"Let me take care of that" Julie said sternly, leaning forward, planting a kiss on the smaller woman's chapped lips. Gill immediately held on to Julie with both lips.

"You weren't bad" Gill mocked, beginning to remember the night before.

"You're going to pay for that lady. Now get dressed, I'll sort some breakfast" Julie joked back, sitting up and retrieving the clothes that were sprawled across the floor.

Gill appeared at the bottom of the stairs a little while later, looking slightly worse for wear.

"That smells gorgeous, but I don't think my stomach is going to be quite so accommodating" Gill heaved, the hangover beginning to kick in. Julie walked over to Gill gently kissing her lips whilst holding a hot plate to the side and then walking back to the wooden table in the centre of the room.

"Sit" Julie commanded, pouring out orange juice to accompany the fried breakfast. Gill did as she was told. It had been a long time since anybody had cooked her breakfast.

"I've got to dash, I'll give you a call later, have a good day" Julie said, kissing Gill's head as not to disturb her eating.

"I think I will" Gill smiled, turning to watch the very dominant lady leave her house. She shook her head in disbelief, but was more positive this morning than she had been only twenty-four hours ago.


	14. Chapter 14

She knocked loudly on the door; her temper being vented through the knocker.

"Auntie Julie" Sammy said surprised, opening the door to find Julie Dodson on the other side. She barged past him and walked into the house.

"Right, now listen here you ungrateful little twat, you're mother, the woman who would move heaven and earth for you, is in bits because of you and that shagbandit. Now I don't care what poison he has been dripping in your ear, but you get your ugly, fat, lazy arse back to your mother's house now, or I promise you, you will never see the light of day again" Julie snapped in one breath.

"But…" Sammy started to say before being cut off by Julie.

"Did I say you could speak?" she asked rhetorically. "Go pack" she pointed toward the stairs. He went.

A while later the boy re-appeared in the living room.

"Now when you get home, you clean the house, cook your mother's dinner, lick her bloody boots if you have to, but you have a hell of a lot of making up to do, do you hear me" she asked.

Sammy only nodded.

"I said, did you hear me?" Julie asked a little firmer

"Yes Auntie Julie"

"Good, get in the car" she told him.

As she was about to leave the house, Julie saw a pad and pen on the table near the front door. She scribbled away, smiling to herself in satisfaction.

'_Now who's on their own?'_ It read.

As they pulled up outside the Murray's house, Julie pulled a piece of paper and a pen out of her pocket that she had taken from Dave's house. She wrote a list, but Sammy couldn't read what it read.

"Take this" she said, handing him the paper and reaching into her jacket pocket. "And this" she continued, handing him a twenty pound note "and get your apron on"

"Thank you" he replied, taking the money and the shopping list.

"And Sammy" she called as he was about to get out of the car.

"She loves you" Julie spoke softly.

"I love her too" Sammy replied. Julie thought to herself _'so do I'_. Sammy nodded and walked down the drive to the front door. Julie drove off to work, trusting Sammy to make Gill proud.


	15. Chapter 15

Gill arrived home earlier than usual, hoping for a repeat of the night before. As she opened the front door she could smell something cooking.

"Twice in one day!" she called, expecting Julie to appear in the doorway.

"What's that?" Sammy asked, appearing in the kitchen doorway.

"Nothing" she replied, freezing to the spot. They stared at each other for a few moments. "Come here" she said, walking towards the taller boy, holding her arms out.

"I'm sorry mum" he told her, falling into her arms.

"It's not your fault kid" she told him "I love you"

"Love you too" he replied. "Mum…" he said, pulling back.

"What?" Gill asked worriedly.

"I think Dad may have something to say when he gets home and…" Gill cut Sammy off.

"Don't you worry about that, if you don't want to live with him, and her…" This time Sammy cut Gill off.

"Not about that mum, it's just that Auntie Julie left him a note" he spoke.

"What sort of note?" Gill asked, growing increasingly concerned.

"Now who's on their own?" I think she wrote. Gill only smiled.

After dinner, which Gill thoroughly enjoyed, she picked up her phone from the hall table, pushing a few buttons and texting Julie.

'_You coming round tonight slap?' _she asked.

Moments later the reply came _'Aren't you a bit busy?'_

She quickly wrote back _'I need to talk to you about that'_

Julie didn't answer again; she knew she had to talk to Gill face to face. So within twenty minutes there was a knock at the door.

Sammy rushed to open the door, continuing with spoiling his mum. "I'll get it he called"

"Sammy" Julie acknowledged.

"Thank you, again" he replied, hugging the woman before him. She tapped his arm, not being overly-affectionate.

"Have you got any homework Sammy?" Gill asked, trying to rid the lovers of the boy.

"Oh yes, I'll do it now" he rushed up the stairs.

"What the hell have you done to my son?" Gill asked, amazed at how good and helpful he was being. "How did you get him to come home?"

"I told him I was shagging you" Julie replied dead-pan.

"You didn't" Gill replied anxiously.

"No of course I didn't. I told him that he was an ungrateful little twat and he needed to get his arse home and stop breaking your heart" she answered.

"Julie Dodson, the family counsellor" Gill laughed. She leant forward and pushed her lips onto Julie's. Julie pulled back, looking up the stairs. Gill giggled.

"Ssshhh" Julie whispered, leaning in again.

Her life had gone from naught to sixty in ten seconds. She had someone who loved her, someone to keep her warm at night, and her son was back home. She knew she still had a long way to go; the cuts on her arms were rapidly becoming an addiction, but it was growing more infrequent. It had to get better, it couldn't get worse.


	16. Chapter 16

The evening was pleasant, the two women talked and shared a bottle of wine; a reasonable amount each. Their talking was intermittently interrupted by stolen kisses. Gill felt more alive than she had felt in many years. She was unable to believe what was happening, was she….a lesbian? She kept telling herself she wasn't, she was just enjoying the ride, but if having someone love and care about her, and her feeling the same about them meant she was a lesbian, then she concluded, what the hell?

Gill strolled into the kitchen to put the kettle on without a care in the world. She realised she couldn't turn up to work hung over again, and needed coffee, plus, if Julie were to stay, she wanted to remember every last detail of their night together. Her thoughts took her off to another place, away from her lowly kitchen. She was dragged back to reality by the waist. Julie had sat down at the table behind Gill without her noticing. Julie leant forward and grabbed Gill's waist, pulling her in to sit on her lap. Gill let out a little scream and a giggle.

"You're beautiful when you smile" Julie complemented her.

"Only when I smile?" Gill teased. Julie couldn't find the words so answered with a tender kiss. Sammy coming down the stairs interrupted their passionate moment. Gill jumped up quickly and continued to make the coffee.

"Sorry, I just wanted to get a drink" Sammy apologised nervously.

"Me and Julie are working on the same case; we've got an early start, so she's going to stay here tonight" Gill lied.

"Ok, no problem, shall I make up the spare bed?" Sammy offered unusually helpfully.

"It's ok, I'll do it in a bit, why don't you go and watch some telly, me and Julie are going to get cracking on these files" Gill said picking up a folder, praying that God would forgive her for lying.

The pair went upstairs into the spare bedroom come study. Julie checked the stairs.

"All clear" she said smiling and closing the door behind her. Gill rushed to her, pushing her back against the door.

"I seem to remember you telling me I wasn't bad in bed" Julie commented.

"Well, we'll have to see if we can do something about that" Gill replied flirtatiously, passionately kissing the taller woman. Julie lifted Gill and carried her to the bed on the other side of the room, putting her down and collapsing on top of her. The pair laughed and moaned, eventually catching Sammy's attention.

"You alright mum?" He called from the other side of the door.

"Yeah, fine love" she replied, trying not to laugh as Julie kept kissing down her neck, refusing to be intimidated by being caught undressed with her best friend by her son.

'_She won't be when I've finished with her' _Julie whispered in Gill's ear.

Gill sat up, anxious about her son finding out. "Julie, I can't do this, what about Sammy?"

"Well if he wants to watch, then that's fine by me, although I've never had an audience" Julie answered light-heartedly. She knew where Gill was going with this, but after waiting twenty years for this, she wasn't going to cave in so easily.

"I'm being serious" Gill said a little firmer, a hint of fear and severity in her voice.

"So am I" Julie began. "I've waited half my life for the woman I love, I'm not just going to give up now" she confessed.

"Sorry, been meaning to go to the ENT for ages, keep hearing things wrong" Gill mocked.

"I love you" she repeated. "I only speak English, if you would like it in another language, I'll have to get back to you" Julie replied in a very nonchalant manner.

"Does it not bother you, what people think?" Gill asked.

"Should it?" Julie answered with another question. Gill shrugged. "Look, I love you, I always have, and I'll understand if you want to cool it, but if there's a chance for us, I will keep fighting. You're still my friend, and if you want, we can just be friends with benefits?"

"Benefits eh?" Gill smiled. "I can live with that. Now shut up and snog me" she commanded, instantly crushed by the weight of Julie on top of her.

"How am I doing?" Julie asked "Out of 10?"

"Four…and a half" Gill teased.

"Right lady" Julie said rolling Gill over kissing her again. "I've never had any complaints before…some people are so ungrateful"

"Yeah well, you've never shagged me before. Not ungrateful, I just have high standards" Gill shot back.

The banter continued. The pair giggled, moaned, kissed and caressed for hours before finally falling asleep, and Sammy was still none the wiser. They were enjoying the sneaking around, it was part of it, like teenagers again, it made it more exciting. It was their secret…for now.


	17. Chapter 17

Sammy continued to take care of Gill the next morning, what Julie said to him had really hit a nerve; he loved his mother, and he had a lot of respect for Julie, she had been like an auntie to him ever since he was born.

He knocked on the door to the bedroom come study, after checking his mother's room, noticing that it was empty. He concluded that Gill must have got up early to get on with some work.

"Mum…..Are you in there? I've bought you some tea" Sammy called. There was no reply, so he pushed the door open. Before him was his mother laying in Julie Dodson's arms; their naked bodies not entirely covered by the duvet. He put the cup on the side and turned to run out of the door.

"Sammy…" Gill shouted, realising he had just caught them. She scrambled to her feet, climbing over Julie. Julie caught her arm to stop her.

"Leave him Gill, he just needs some time to get his head 'round it, he'll be fine" she told her reassuringly.

"Yeah, you're right, he's just been through so much…" Gill trailed off.

"So have you" Julie replied.

"Sammy…it's your mum, when you get this, give me a ring. I'm sorry you had to find out like that. I love you kid. Just give me a ring" Gill pleaded to the answer phone. Janet entered the room as Gill spoke.

"Thought you could do with one" Janet said, placing a hot cup down in front of her. "You alright?"

"No, it's Sammy" Gill began, not wanting to tell Janet the whole truth.

"Is he still not home?" Janet asked.

"Oh yeah, he came home yesterday, Julie had a word"

"Right, so…?" Janet questioned.

"He caught us, this morning" Gill nodded, waiting for Janet to fill in the blanks. There was a brief silence.

"Oh, you mean…?" Janet exclaimed, the penny finally dropping.

"Yes, covers not quite over, saw everything, poor kid"

"Who is he then?" Janet asked.

"No one" Gill replied defensively.

"Gill" Janet shot back.

"Look, Julie…" she cut off.

"What about Ju'….Oh you and Julie?" Janet exclaimed again. Gill nodded, starting to get upset. "That's why you've been so full of the joys these last few days. No wonder Sammy's a bit upset"

"Do you hate me?" Gill asked.

"Now why would you think that? After everything you've been through, you deserve someone who makes you happy, and if that's _Julie Dodson_, then so be it. Anyway, it's none of my business who you sleep with" Janet replied, whispering Julie's name, to protect Gill from nose-ointment detectives outside of the office.

Janet gave Gill a knowing look, and with that left her office. She was happy Gill had found someone she was happy with; but she knew she had to help her.

He dragged himself to the door, the person on the other side persistently tapping. "She's not here, try a hotel, she'll be with that whore" Sammy snapped rudely to Janet.

"Shut your mouth" Janet shot back, stepping inside, past the boy. "When was the last time your mother was this happy eh?" she asked.

"I don't remember" he answered truthfully.

"No, exactly, probably when you were about a year old" the blonde woman remembered. "She's been through so much lately with your dad, work, and you, don't you think she deserves a bit of happiness?" Sammy nodded. "I heard you had words with Julie the other day?" he nodded again. "Right, well, I think it's time you recalled what she told you, and do it all over again, starting with answering your mother's calls." Janet said pointing to the white iPhone lying on the settee.

Janet stood to leave. "It's her business who she sleeps with, be happy for her".

"I'm sorry" Sammy said sheepishly.

"It's not me you need to apologise to is it?" Janet gave him a look.

"I will. Thank you Janet" Sammy replied. Janet nodded and smiled, and made for the front door. Sammy picked up his phone and wrote _'Sorry mum' _.


	18. Chapter 18

Mother and son spent the evening together in front of the television, which was a rarity. Sammy slouched on the worn settee, nestling into Gill's chest. She had told Julie not to come round that evening; the pair needed some time alone, although she wasn't looking forward to spending the night alone. It had been silent, apart from the noise of the television and the outside world, for the best part of an hour. Sammy was the first to break the silence,

"Why her, mum?" he asked curiously.

"I don't know, just happened. We were both a bit…pissed, and ended up in bed" Gill replied.

"But, why _her_, I mean like, she's a woman, why…" he couldn't eloquently describe what he was thinking.

"It wasn't planned, and I don't think it is going to last, she cares Sammy, she makes me feel so alive, in a way your dad never could, I don't remember feeling like this" Gill confessed.

"I am happy for you mum"

"Thanks kid" she replied.

"But…"Sammy began.

"What?"

"Cover up next time, I think I'm going to be scarred for life!" he joked. Gill laughed. "Is Julie not coming round tonight?"

"No, I said we needed some time on our own"

"Text her, I'll get us a take-away. You shouldn't miss out 'cause of me" he said thoughtfully.

"You're a good kid Sammy, don't ever forget that" Sammy blushed. "Are you sure?" she questioned.

"Yes, now text her. Chinese alright?" he asked, passing his mother her mobile.


	19. Chapter 19

Over the next week Julie spent a lot of time at Oldham police station, specifically in Gill's office. Although they weren't part of the same syndicate, the same force or even working on the same case, the two had become inseparable.

"Do you know what I want to do right now?" Julie asked seductively, sitting on the opposite side of the office to Gill, staring at her lips and then her chest.

"I think I've got a good idea" she replied, trying to resist temptation, and giving in moments later.

Gill stood and brushed down her skirt, trying to look professional. She entered the department and said;

"Right, listen up, I've got to take an important conference call in the briefing room, I do not want to be disturbed. If any of you let anybody in, your lives will not be worth living!" she barked, giving Janet a knowing look. Janet smiled.

Julie locked the door behind them, making sure that had complete privacy. She walked slowly towards Gill, eventually reaching her. Gill stretched her neck up to reach Julie's lips, but Julie pulled back.

"You can keep your hands off until my marks improve" Julie joked. Gill simply laughed, pulling the woman in front of her closer, taking control for the first time during their relationship. Julie felt like she was falling, and put her hands out to save herself, purposely ending up lying on top of Gill on the table.

Their fingers intertwined, holding onto each other lovingly. Their eyes locked, unable to look away from one another. They took turns in stroking each other's hair, touching each other's faces, and caressing bodies. Gill wrapped her arms around Julie's back, needing her more and more, pulling her closer, not letting her leave. Julie's hands wound around Gill's neck, holding her head in place, where she could see her, touch her, feel her and taste her. Julie explored every inch of Gill's mouth with her own, slowly, deeply, lovingly. Gill had taken control, her kisses becoming harder, faster, needier even.

Julie undone Gill's top button of her black shirt, revealing enough skin for her to be able to touch and kiss. Gill's fingers held Julie's hair back, showing every detail, every line in Julie's ageing face. Gill lifted Julie's chin with one finger and leaning in to kiss her. Both off them kissed faster, harder, eventually breaking apart, struggling for breath. Julie's breath was warm on Gill's face, making her smile. Julie tenderly planted a small kiss on Gill's lips before sitting up. Both women giggled nervously, they felt like teenagers again, but neither were knocking it.

At that there were voices outside the door. "Ssshhh" Gill said, pressing a finger against Julie's lips, her other hand slapping Julie's hand to stop her touching her breast.

Outside the door Kevin said to Janet; "Why's the bitch from the black lagoon here all the time?" he asked coldly.

Julie's mouth fell in astonishment; she knew she was fearsome, but that description was a new one.

Janet replied; "I have no idea, they are working on a case together aren't they?" in a vague manner, walking off and leaving Kevin to speculate.

"She knows" Gill whispered in Julie's ear "I had to tell her, don't worry she won't say anything".

"I don't care if she does, I want the whole world to know how much I love you" Julie replied.

"Right, so, if I get this sent off, and you can finish that" Gill started, pretending to be finishing a meeting, as she could see Kevin's shadow still lingering outside the door.

Julie laughed and kissed her one last time before they had to go their separate ways. It was only a few hours until the end of the day, but being so madly, deeply in love, a few hours of being apart felt like a lifetime. They smartened themselves up; re-doing buttons and brushing hair with fingers, before opening the door and exiting the briefing room.

"No work to do Kevin?" Gill asked hypocritically, turning to smile at Julie, who was walking off in the other direction.

"Sorry ma'am" he said apologetically, glad Julie had left the building. Gill just stood there and watched the woman walking away, not even looking back. She smiled thoughtfully as her image disappeared 'round the corner. And then for a few hours, she had to go back to reality.


	20. Chapter 20

Mitch walked past Gill in the corridor, doing a double take, and walking back to her side.

"Boss" he whispered. "Look, no one cares who you're shagging, but you might want to get the lipstick off of your cheek and cover the love-bite on your neck before you go back in there, before the likes of Kevin notice"

Gill blushed nervously, trying to cover her neck with her shirt. She grabbed her handbag from her office and went into the ladies' on the ground floor, and stared at her reflection in the mirror.

'_What does she see in me?'_ she asked herself. Gill brushed over the lines in her face with a finger, trying to smooth them out and failing. She brushed her hair through with her fingers, unable to do a lot with it because of its length. She sighed loudly, growing more and more frustrated. Her age was beginning to show, she wore her life in her face. One hand pulled her shirt collar down, and she rubbed the tip of a finger over the bite on her neck; she smiled remembering. She dampened her hands under the cold tap and brushed water over her face, rubbing at the lipstick on her cheek. She took a paper towel and dried the water from her cheeks, and threw the towel into the bin; her aim improving with each attempt. She took the foundation from her bag and dipped a finger in. Gill rubbed the orange powder into her cheeks, trying to conceal everything from the outside world. She took the moisturiser from the black bag perched on the edge of the sink, and rubbed small amounts into the healing wounds on her arms.

At that moment Janet entered the toilets and Gill rushed to pull her sleeve down before the blonde saw the marks.

"Alright Gill?" Janet asked rhetorically, closing a toilet door behind her. Gill smartened herself up and waited for the detective to emerge from the toilet.

The pair walked back up to their office together when Gill's phone buzzed. "I'll be up in a minute" she said to Janet, stopping walking forward. She opened the message on her phone. It was from Julie.

'_Can I stay at yours please, don't know how long for, just need some time, don't want to be on my own. J x'_

Gill was concerned reading the text and couldn't answer in a message, so she tried to phone her. But there was no reply. She sent her a message to tell her she could, and Gill decided to leave the office early, in case Julie turned up at her house unannounced.


	21. Chapter 21

She drove home erratically, her head filled with worry, imagining various scenarios of Julie being hurt, or threatened, or ill, or…she was interrupted by a car beeping at her. When Gill re-joined planet earth, she realised that she had let her car drift over to the wrong side of the road. She tugged at the wheel, and managed to get back on the right side.

The silver car pulled into the drive at a speed and stopped suddenly. Gill ripped her belt off and ran to the front door, manically searching for her keys in her handbag. She found them eventually and stabbed at the key hole with the wrong key at first.

Gill got in and found Sammy sitting at the kitchen table doing homework.

"You alright mum?" he asked noticing the state his mother was in.

"Julie's not been round has she?" Gill asked.

"No, why what's wrong?"

"I don't know…she text me earlier asking if she could stay indefinitely, but she wouldn't answer her phone when I called which, God knows…" Gill said worrying more with every thought, every word.

And with that there was a knock at the front door. Gill rushed to open it. Julie fell in the doorway, straight into Gill's arms, sobbing her heart out. Gill's jaw dropped, she couldn't speak, she didn't know what to say, she just held the broken woman close.

A few minutes passed before Gill spoke. "Come on, let's get you inside" she said, leaving one arm around her back, keeping her upright, and walking into the living room.

As the pair sat down, side by side, Gill spoke again "Talk to me". Julie didn't answer. She pulled a photo out of her jacket pocket and passed it to Gill. Gill smiled and rubbed her thumb over the small, worn photo. It was of a baby girl wrapped in a small pink blanket, couldn't have been more than a few days old.

"Who is it?" she asked, knowing the answer to her own question.

"My daughter…my little girl" Julie mouthed, unable to speak.

"Julie…I…why didn't you tell me?" Gill asked.

"It was years ago, she would have been nineteen now" Julie said drowning in her own thoughts.

"Would have been?" Gill questioned.

"She was only two days old" Julie began. "It was the hospital's fault, they were meant to put her on a ventilator, she couldn't breathe on her own, she was premature. Only they didn't. Turned out a few weeks later that it was the wrong baby, my little girl was still alive, but they couldn't find her, when they did it was too late, she's already gone" Julie sobbed, Gill shed a tear and even Sammy looked watery-eyed.

"I'm so sorry love" Gill cried, holding Julie tighter.

"She would have been nineteen years old today" Julie continued.

"Oh Julie, you should have told me"

"I couldn't, I was coping. But, this case we picked up this morning, it's exactly the same, a new-born baby died, hospital's fault…it just bought it all back that's all" she finished.

"Come here" Gill spoke softly, pulling her back into her own chest.

After hours of sobbing, the night fell and Julie began to settle down. Gill had taken her upstairs and got her into bed. Just as she was dropping off to sleep, there was a persistently loud knock at the door. Sammy went to answer it.

"Where is she?" he asked angrily.


	22. Chapter 22

Dave barged past Sammy clearly very drunk. "Where is she" he shouted. "I know she's moved her fancy piece in".

"Dad, you can't come here like this, go home, please" Sammy pleaded, trying to block the stairway. Dave pushed him, knocking Sammy to the ground. He got up as quickly as he could, but Dave was already at the top of the stairs.

"Jesus!" Dave screamed, as he reached the bedroom door and saw Gill lying next to Julie.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Gill shouted back.

"I heard you were seeing someone and they were moving in, but God woman, this is a real new low" he criticised.

"Who I sleep with is absolutely none of your business. My friend has had the day from hell and she is very upset so she is staying with me, which incidentally, is none of your bloody business either!" Gill shouted, becoming redder in the face.

"Don't argue on my account" Julie said calmly, sitting up in the bed.

"Shut it, I don't talk to whores" Dave answered.

"Dave, I'd like you to leave" Gill said, turning away. Dave pulled her arm and turned her back to face him. Gill struggled and fell, landing on the bed.

"Don't you dare touch her again" Sammy screamed from behind. Dave turned quickly on his heels to be met by Sammy's fist. "You heard her, leave".

Dave scrambled to his feet and made his way down the stairs. Sammy followed and shut the door behind him.

Back upstairs Gill and Julie began to recover from Dave's episode. Sammy appeared in the doorway a little worse for wear.

"Thank you" Julie said, not letting go of his mother.

"Sammy" Gill cried "Did he do that to your head?"

"Yeah, I tried to stop him getting up the stairs but he pushed past and I fell" he replied nonchalantly. Gill broke away from Julie, going to her son. She stroked his hair away from the cut repeatedly.

"Look Gill" Julie spoke, catching Gill's attention. "Maybe it's best I go home eh?"

"You're going nowhere lady" Gill told her firmly.

"I will always love you, but this isn't fair on anyone, someone will end up getting hurt" Julie battled with her tears, not giving in.

"Please don't do this Julie" Gill pleaded. Julie stood and went to stand opposite her. Julie lifted her hand to cup Gill's cheek but Gill caught hold of it and held it tightly. Julie lent forward and pressed her lips to Gill's.

She looked her in the eyes and mouthed "I love you" before tugging her hand back and walking towards the door.

"Julie…." Gill cried.


	23. Chapter 23

Tears ran down her face effortlessly. She cried in pain; her chest becoming heavier and her breathing laboured. Her knees gave out beneath her, falling to the floor, Sammy catching her arms as she knelt. She cried a heart-wrenching sob into her son's chest, squeezing a fistful of her son's sleeve. Sammy held onto her tightly, protecting her. To Gill it felt like a lifetime, but in reality, she had only been kneeling for a few moments before Sammy lifted her back to her feet and guided her towards the bed. He lay her down carefully and watched as she snatched the quilt, holding it close to her, breathing in, remembering, and treasuring the smell of Julie's perfume on the fabric. There and then she vowed never to wash it, or lose it, or throw it away; she figured she may be able to fall asleep if she had it beside her, almost as if Julie was there herself.

Gill dragged herself out of the bed and got herself down the stairs. She staggered into the living room, barely able to see through her tears. In the wooden cupboard behind the door she found a large bottle of whiskey. She ripped the top off, letting it drop to the floor and taking a large mouthful of the liquid. Quickly, one mouthful turned into two, and two into half a bottle, almost all at once.

Sammy begged her to stop. The boy was growing increasingly frightened. Even when his dad had left, Gill never really cried, or got drunk, not as far as he was aware of. She had always been so strong, so in control, she was the perfect role model for her son. He was worried about his mum, he didn't know how to help her; trying to take the whiskey off of her hadn't proved successful, Gill only became angrier. She blamed her son. She shouted at him, swore at him, and told him it was his fault Julie had left. Gill couldn't see that pushing him away wasn't a good idea; she had lost her husband, and now her girlfriend and she had never had many friends.

As soon as the bottle was empty, Gill threw it to the other side of the room in anger. She rushed to the kitchen to find another, but she had already drunk the bottle of wine in the fridge. Instead she decided to go back upstairs.

She rushed up the stairs like something Sammy had only ever seen on the television and locked herself in the bathroom. She searched the cupboards and found her blade; the blade that had become her best friend, her only friend. She tugged at her sleeves, turning the top over to keep it in place, just above her elbow. Uncut skin on her arm was sparse. Between the scars she placed the blade, at first no pain or blood was drawn. She cut harder, deeper until blood poured. Her head hurt, she felt sick, and then she fell.

Sammy had left the house five minutes previously to get Janet's help. She only lived two streets away, and he thought he wouldn't be long enough for Gill to get into any trouble. The frightened little boy Sammy had become and one of Gill's oldest friends arrived back and went straight up the stairs. Sammy checked Gill's bedroom but it was empty. They both called her name. Silence. Sammy went to bathroom but the door was bolted. Janet kicked it, like she had been trained to do on the job.

Janet sent Sammy downstairs; he was in a terrible state and she didn't want him to see her there. As she got the door open, Gill just lay on the cold tiled floor, drowning in a pool of her own blood.

"GIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!" Janet screamed.


	24. Chapter 24

_**Thank you for reading and reviewing…love all your comments! These chapters are quite dark, but this is a really important and widespread issue, so just wanted to raise some awareness! **_____

Time was of the essence. Janet called Gill's name, but no response. She felt for a pulse, it was extremely weak. The broken woman was barely alive. She tried to identify the source of the bleed, but there was just too much blood. She searched her pockets for her mobile, clumsily dropping it to the floor. Her shaky hands picked it up again, barely able to press each digit. Janet's even shakier voice asked for an ambulance and gave Gill's address. It was as she put the phone down she noticed the razor blade in Gill's right hand. Janet cried harder at the thought Gill may have tried to attempt suicide.

"Please Gill, don't leave me" Janet whispered in her ear.

The paramedics got Gill's arms wrapped in bandages immediately, also unable to see where she was bleeding from. They lifted her onto a board and carried her down the stairs. Janet didn't know whether to take Sammy to the hospital, to go in the ambulance or to stay at Gill's. Her head was all over the place, she couldn't focus. By the time her head started to make sense of things, she found herself in the ambulance with Sammy, doing seventy miles per hour down the back streets. Janet knew it was serious; they didn't usually pass fifty miles per hour. She also knew she couldn't leave Gill on her own, and should she wake up, she didn't want her to be on her own.

Everything span around her. Janet stood at the doors of the resuscitation room, noticing people running past her, doctors shouting, nurses looking worried. The clock on the wall showed that hours had passed. Nothing. Gill had tubes and wires attached to every part of her body, but still she remained unconscious. Sammy had cried himself to sleep in the relatives room, but as tired as she was, Janet couldn't leave the door. The doctors had explained that they had stitched the cuts, but she had lost too much blood. The next forty-eight hours were critical.

Her tears dried and her sobs quietened, morning rose and Gill still lay sleeping. Janet felt people standing next to her, hands around her shoulders, but she couldn't move her eyes from Gill. The whole of MIT had gathered around Janet, watching, hoping and praying for Gill's full recovery.

Gill had never meant to end up like this. It was an attempt to feel something other than emotional pain, she needed it to be physical, she needed control. She didn't want to die. It was just one cut too far….


	25. Chapter 25

The next few weeks passed minute by minute and still Gill lay unconscious. The doctors hadn't seen a case like it before, the patient had either woken up or died within a few days. Her colleagues took turns sitting by her bedside, holding her hands and talking to her; even Ian Fielding and Mr Rutterford, the Chief con. Janet found herself in the hospital chapel day after day; which was, in her opinion, hypocritical as he had never been religious, or even went to church, but suddenly she found herself praying to a God she didn't even believe in.

Sammy had completely broken down. He sat for hours on end on the chair beside Gill's bed. He held her hand in his own and rested his head on her stomach. He hadn't eaten or drank since the day she had been admitted, he hadn't slept or washed, or even left the room. He wouldn't speak to anyone; it was like he wasn't really there.

Dave had come and gone. He hadn't cried, or hoped she would make a full recovery; he only came to see if it was true that she had tried to take her own life. Knowing full well he had caused it, Janet made sure he left as soon as he arrived.

Back at work, the team weren't picking up many cases; they couldn't work without their boss keeping them in line. Most of them spent every waking hour at the hospital with Gill; they didn't have time to work.

Julie was in a terrible state; she blamed herself for everything. She knew what she had done was for the right reasons, but the means did not justify the ends. She hadn't been to visit Gill, she couldn't bring herself to see the woman she loved more than anything and anyone she had ever loved in her life just lying there. She knew she was selfish and Gill needed her but she still remained in her house. She cried most of the day, she cried herself to sleep at night, only to dream of her time spent with Gill. She hadn't eaten and was drinking herself into oblivion.

After six weeks of nothing, Janet decided to get Julie to the hospital herself. Sammy was depressed to say the least and was sure Julie would be in a similar state. It took a long time and a lot of persuading to get the woman there, but Janet and Julie walked arm in arm along the white corridors to intensive care. She was holding it together until she saw Gill surrounded by machines and wires and tubes. She panicked and tried to run, but became breathless and fell sobbing to her knees.

At that moment one of the machines Gill was wired up to started to bleep. Nurses and doctors ran to the room; worrying the team more than they already were. Julie got up and ran to the door, watching every movement; she stopped crying abruptly.

When the machines had stopped and the nurses left satisfied she was stable, Julie entered the room. She let a few stray tears escape the corners of each eye. She took hold of her hand and whispered over and over _'I love you, please wake up'. _

A few hours passed and the machines sounded again, startling Julie. Gill started to cough, sounding like she was choking. Julie shouted for help in between calling Gill's name. A nurse came in and removed the ventilator from Gill's mouth. She was groggy, presenting signs of a hangover, but she had been unconscious for over six weeks. Every person that was in the hospital ran to her bedside, ignoring the orders of the nurses to keep calm and not to stress Gill. Those who weren't there were phoned and within an hour, every member of MIT was cramped into one room.

"I'm sorry" Gill mouthed.


	26. Chapter 26

She had survived; beaten all the odds, they said she wouldn't make it, but here she was, awake and talking. Some may say it was a miracle. Janet looked up and thanked God; a God that up until six weeks ago she had never believed in.

So after six long weeks, Gill was finally awake. Her colleagues took turns in holding her hand and kissing her cheek and talking to her. Julie was the last to go in.

"I'm so sorry Gill, this is all my fault, I should never have ended it like that, I'm here now, I love you" Julie cried in one long breath.

Gill's hand stretched up to cup Julie's cheek. "Doesn't matter now" she said calmly. Julie bent down and as her lips brushed against Gill's, she turned away. "Friends is less complicated" Gill said with a smile. Julie wasn't going to argue after everything she had been through, and she wanted to lecture her about what she had done, but she knew that it would be hypocritical of her, and this was not the time. Her crying was calm, tears rolled down he cheeks effortlessly, silently. She leant forward and rested her right cheek on Gill's stomach, Gill's hand in hers. Gill stroked Julie's hair soothingly.

"Julie" Gill spoke after a long silence. Julie sat up slowly and turned to face Gill. "You look pale, when was the last time you ate…or slept for that matter?"

"I don't remember" she replied honestly. Gill scanned the corridors beyond the room for someone from MIT. She caught Mitch's eye and beckoned him with one finger.

"Everything alright boss?" he asked worriedly.

"Could you do me a favour?" she asked. Mitch nodded in agreement. She had always been good to him; in the short time he had known her. Her reputation preceded her; he had a lot of respect for her and would do anything he asked. "Would you take Julie downstairs and get her something to eat, and then take her home and make her sleep".

"Yes boss, of course" he replied eagerly.

"Force feed her if necessary, twat her over the head with something heavy if needs be, but she's no good to me in this state" Gill told him, having not lost her sense of humour.

"Yes boss" Mitch replied again. He went to help a weak Julie out of the chair she was sitting on. She rested one hand on Gill's face and smiled, before leaving the room with Mitch.

"One more thing…" Gill called. Both Julie and Mitch turned to her. "You don't have to call me boss until I'm back in the office. And…thank you, both of you" she smiled. She gave one firm nod to signal for them to leave.

Janet took Julie and Mitch's departure as her cue to enter. She walked in slowly, warily; she didn't know what to say or how to be around Gill. The blonde just stood sheepishly at the door, avoiding eye contact with the patient.

"Come here" Gill said eventually stretching out her good arm. Janet walked over the bed and took hold of Gill's hand.

"I'm sorry" she cried "I should have known something was wrong before, you should have been able to talk to me"

"There wasn't anything wrong until that night; Julie left, she said we should call it a day. Dave came round shouting the odds, he knocked Sammy over…" she trailed off in thought. "Sammy…where's Sammy?" Gill began to panic.

"He's in the chapel downstairs" Janet answered.

"The chapel?" Gill repeated astonished. After a brief pause the two women both laughed out loud.

Janet recovered quickly. "We've both spent a lot of time in there, it helps, and God really supported us" she told Gill.

"Janet Scott the bible basher never thought I'd see the day!" Gill joked. "Is Sammy ok?" she asked on a more serious note.

"Honestly Gill, no, he's in bits, he's lost without you" Janet answered truthfully, not wanting to worry Gill.

"Can you get him for me please" she asked. Janet only nodded and left the room.

"Baby!" Gill cried, seeing her son for the first time in six weeks. He just stood before her, no knowing whether to be angry or hug her.

He looked pale, ill pale. Gill could see his ribs through his shirt; he hadn't eaten for as long as his mother had been in hospital. The bags under his eyes stood out against his pale skin. He looked frail and older than his few years. He hadn't changed or washed since the night she was admitted; he hadn't left the hospital building since either.

Gill merely lifted her hand for him to take hold of. His fingers rested in the palm of her small hands. He wanted to grab hold of her and squeeze her but he was just too weak. Her hand slid around the back of his head, pulling him down closer to her. Gently she placed a kiss on his forehead, not wanting to break him.

"Janet, take him home, feed him, change him, put him to bed. I can't, but you're my best friend, and a brilliant mother, so will you do it for me?" Gill asked.

"Of course I will, don't worry, he'll be fine" Janet replied re-assuring her, taking hold of Sammy's hand and leading him to the door, just as Mitch had taken Julie home.

"Bye mum" he whispered.

"Bye love" she mouthed back through the door.


	27. Chapter 27

_**Just want to say a big thank you to RebaForever15; your reviews always make me smile. X**_

Monday afternoon was warm and sunny and bought good news for Gill. She sat up in her hospital bed, moaning about everything and talking about the other patients; Gill was clearly feeling better. The doctors had told her that she had to talk to a counsellor which had 'pissed her off', but she had taken it with a pinch of salt.

Her consultant entered her room with a file in his hand, looking very serious.

"Ms Murray" he began. "I'm afraid to tell you….you are free to go home"

"You had me worried then" she replied.

"Sorry, we'll miss you keeping us on our toes, right little miracle you have been!" he joked.

"Thank you…for everything". He left Gill to phone for clothes to be bought in and a lift home. Her arm was still very weak and would be for some time, but the cuts had healed, and some nasty scarring was left.

"Mitch!" she spoke happily "You couldn't bring me in some clothes could you, I'm coming home today, I tried ringing Sammy but there's no answer".

"Course I can boss, anything in particular?" he asked.

"Top and joggers will do me fine"

"Joggers?" he asked surprised, having never seen Gill in anything other than skirt or trouser suits. "No problem, give me half an hour"

-X-

"Here you go boss, joggers and a t-shirt as requested" Mitch said handing Gill the bag of clothes.

"Thanks Mitch, you're a diamond" Gill replied gratefully.

"I'll be just outside, give us a shout when you're ready"

Gill walked slowly out of the door, having not left her bed for over six weeks. "Ready" she said. Mitch jumped up from his seat and took her arm and her bag like a gentleman.

They got downstairs and to the main exit when Gill stopped. "Mitch"

"Boss" he replied.

"I forgot to ask you to bring me some shoes" she said looking down at her feet and laughing.

"Maybe I forgot to ask you if you wanted shoes on purpose" he teased. "Come here" he said, bending down and scooping her up in his arms. "You're heavier than you look!" Gill was lost for words. It had been a long time since a man carried her, or even remotely cared about her for that matter. She smiled looking up at him, their faces centimetres apart. She planted a kiss on his cheek and returned the gesture with a kiss on her lips. "Do you know how long I've been dying to do that?" he commented. Gill remained silent. She was falling for him. "I'm so sorry, I've overstepped the mark, I'm really sorry, and I'll just take you home" Mitch panicked. Gill caught his chin in her hand as he was about to turn away. She held his face in front of hers for a few moments, taking him in. Her delicate hands cupped his cheeks, pulling him closer to her. His hands were placed firmly on her waist. They both leant in nervously.

The moment their lips met was magical. It was loving, warm, soft, kind, real; it was unlike any kiss either of them had experienced before. His mouth sucked gently on her bottom lip, her mouth opening slightly to let him in. Mitch pulled Gill closer, his hands snaking around her back. The world stopped around them; both forgetting they were stood in a hospital car park. Their lips continued to meet and part for some time. Mitch pulled back first.

"Are you ok?" he asked.

"I am now" she replied, leaning back in. He pulled back again.

"Are you sure about this?"

"Mitch, I've wanted you since the minute I walked into the MIT" she answered honestly.

"But, you and DCI Dodson…?"

"She was there, she cared, and she made me feel…" Gill broke off, her words failing her.

"Like you were the only girl in the world?" he finished for her.

"Something like that yeah". Mitch leant back in a placed a kiss on her lips tenderly.

"Let's get you home". Gill got into the car with Mitch's help and the pair drove down the road like a couple of teenagers driving off into the sunset.


	28. Chapter 28

She was carried from the car, into her house and lowered onto the settee in her own front room. She couldn't deny that it was nice to be home. The house looked remarkably tidy; tidier than she had seen it in a long time. She held her head remembering throwing bottles across the room when they were empty and rushing upstairs for her blade.

Mitch entered the room and distracted her from her thoughts. He put a hot cup on the table and said "Right, I'm going to get off and let you get some rest". He kissed her forehead and made for the door.

"Don't go" Gill called desperately "I don't want to be on my own, I'm frightened". Mitch smiled and walked back towards her, he had never seen her so vulnerable and it scared him.

"I'm here" he soothed, wrapping an arm around her shoulders, pulling her into his chest "I'm here; you don't need to be frightened anymore". She calmed almost instantly. She barely knew this man but still she felt safe in his arms, safer than she had in a long time.

Gill's fingers were entwined with Mitch's. She looked down at their knotted hands and pulled back instantly the smile disappearing. "You're married!" she exclaimed in horror, noticing his wedding ring. "I should have known, God I am such an idiot"

"Gill, calm down" Mitch spoke calmly, trying to hold her arms and get her to sit. Gill fought and he fell back to his sitting position on the settee.

"Don't you tell me what to do!" she snapped angrily.

"Just let me explain, please"

"This had better be good" she replied.

"I'm separated. I was married, married for 32 years, we were only sixteen but I knew I was in love with her right from the moment I saw her. She was beautiful, long blonde hair and a smile that could light up the darkest room" he confessed tearfully.

"What happened?"

"I came home early from work one day. She said she was working late, so I was going to cook dinner and surprise her. I could hear something upstairs, thought we had burglars. I went up to investigate, and there she was, in bed with my sister" he cried.

"Your sister!" Gill repeated. Mitch only nodded.

"Not only did she not love me anymore, I'd even managed to turn her, I was that bad! She chose her. I still wear the ring because I can't bear to take it off. I know that sounds stupid after everything, but I still love her. Does that make me an idiot?"

"Of course not. It's what makes you human, you can't turn your feelings off just like that; I'd be more worried if you didn't feel anything. I hate Dave so much for what he's done to me and to Sammy, but I still love him deep down" Gill opened up. "And Mitch…you aren't that bad at all, you're lovely"

The two cuddled on the settee for hours after their conversation, watching television and talking. Small planted pecks deepened to romantic, loving kisses, hands wrapped around bodies tightened. Gill unbuttoned Mitch's shirt enough to reveal his tanned chest. He caught hold of her hands and stopped her, standing up and moving himself back from her.

"What's wrong? I thought you wanted to?" she asked confused.

"I do, really I do, it's just…" he broke off unable to eloquently describe what he thought.

"Just what?"

"Just not yet. I love you, and I care about you, and I'm not going anywhere, so why rush?" he sat back down and took her small hands in his bigger hands. "I haven't … since my wife, I want it to be special, when we're both ready. You're still so vulnerable Gill, I don't want to hurt you" he explained.

Gill leant in and passionately kissed him before removing her lips from his. "It will be special"

"I'll wait for you Gill; I'll wait forever if I have to, because I just want you to be happy"


	29. Chapter 29

Mitch and Gill arrived home from Gill's counselling session to be greeted by Sammy. "You coming in?" Gill asked Mitch.

"If that's ok?" Mitch asked. Sammy came to the door to meet his mother.

"I got a Chinese in, there's enough for three" Sammy said.

The evening passed pleasantly, and Sammy left to meet his friend Orla, leaving Gill and Mitch alone in the house. They sat on the sofa for a few hours, talking, drinking wine and kissing. Their kisses became more passionate, more needy even. Forgetting their conversation the day before, the pair began to undress each other. Mitch tugged at Gill's jumper, causing her to pull back in fear.

"I can't" Gill spoke, looking down at her arm.

"It's ok Gill. Your scars are a part of you and I love you, it's really ok" he reassured her.

Gill woke around 10pm, and looked up to see Mitch smiling down at her.

"You ok?" he asked. Gill smiled and nodded, leaning in to place a kiss on his lips. "That was brilliant, amazing, the best" he complemented.

"You're not bad you" she teased.


	30. Chapter 30

_**Thank you for reading and all your lovely reviews, but this story had to come to an end, and here it is. Enjoy xxx**_

A few weeks passed since the first time Gill and Mitch made love on Gill's settee. It was a Friday morning and Gill woke up feeling rough. She ran to the bathroom and coughed up a mouthful of sick. Instantly she knew she wasn't ill.

"I've got to go" Gill called rushing down the stairs, leaving Mitch to get dressed in her bedroom alone.

"Gill" he called worriedly "Is everything ok?" She had already gone.

-X-

Gill staggered out of the toilets in Oldham police station a little confused. She looked down at the piece of plastic in her hand, and the other hand she placed on her stomach. She couldn't help a smile spreading across her face, but she was still frightened Mitch would run a mile.

She left the toilets, shoving the test into her bag to find Mitch waiting outside. "We need to talk" she said. "My office".

"Gill, what's going on?" he asked, as Gill shut the door behind them.

"I'm….I'm pregnant Mitch" she confessed. Mitch laughed out loud and ran to the woman before him, hugging her tightly, and kissing her face. He rested his hands on her stomach, Gill's hands holding his.

"I love you" he told her. "Gill…marry me?" he proposed.

"Are you serious?" she asked, smiling. Mitch nodded, not letting go of her. "Yes, I will marry you".


End file.
